Skiing!
I feel like 2011 was such a successful year for me.
But I’m not satisfied.
My therapist and I have been talking about ways to motivate me. I like school so much because someone other than myself is giving me something to be motivated about. It’s easy when someone else is setting things in front of you to do. As a result, now that I’m not in school, I’ve found that I wake up and wander around my life aimlessly. No one is giving me a grade on anything, so I’d just rather sit down with a box of graham crackers and a Mason jar of milk and watch I Love Lucy reruns online.
That only works for so long.
I find myself so fearful when it comes to doing new things that I just hole up in my house and don’t do anything (although, it’s definitely been better). Also, I only stick to the things I’m good at. I get so frustrated at myself for feeling these feelings of inadequacy, and then, I feel so guilty for feeling them.
“What’s wrong with me?” I ask myself. “Why am I feeling this way?”
I rented this book from the library called Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway. The book is quite simply very well summed up in the name, but I was shocked to find that everybody feels fear when starting something new.
Even if it’s a twinge.
The point isn’t that I wait until I don’t feel fearful about it anymore.
The point is to feel and acknowledge the fear.
And then, run at the thing with your eyes closed and your head down.
I’m not much of a risk taker.
But, everyday, I’ve been trying to take at least one risk. They’re not big risks, but I know it’s a risk when my inner self fights doing it. Here’s what my risks have looked like so far:
- Researching week-long intensive sewing classes.
- Going skiing
- Calling a friend who I’ve always wanted to know better to see if she’d like to hang out
- Starting an embroidery project
- Writing, writing, writing!
